Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Nightmare within a Nightmare (Glad I've Fought The Night)

January 16, 2013

Last night, I dreamed of me...

laying gracefully yet powerlessly on my condominium bed, and I was having a hard time expressing force or effort with any part of my body. I couldn't make a move, yet I hardly make a strip of openness on my eyelids. I had a foggy vision - some moments, it's like a motion blur with random doodles of black. I tried so hard until an image of the bedroom door appeared, and saw a human-figure standing in front of it. There was a half naked man - medium and muscular-built, dark-toned. His bottoms were a pair black leggings, and on his upper body were marks of charcoal and other kinds of dirt, even on his face. His eyes were grayish to white, hinted with anger, and I just could read from him that he was trying to mean something. His face turned slowly to left until his figure vanished as my vision of door remained.

I felt myself gaping, yet there were no any manifestations of my freaking. I was squeaking so loudly inside and yet, my roommates couldn't hear any thread of frequency. I was needing help, 'cause I felt like I'm crushing and acid is like pouring me within. My thin frame was light yet it was stuck on the bed like a stamp. I was so helpless like a smashed rat... Then suddenly, I heard layers of voice, coming from my roommates. They're in a worry but I heard it like echoes of whisper. They were shaking me but I couldn't escape. I could not wake but I was trying and fighting. Someone pulled me and put my head on her lap. She was tapping my cheeks but I couldn't redeem. I was outside my shoes. I could see myself trying hardly to slice my locked eyelids. And light coming from the window slowly reflects on my eyes. Then I came back in my own temple, I could vision the black-painted grills of the window and the plain grey of the sky. I finally released... But sudden emptiness came, I woke within a dream, and then saw my housemates still sleeping peacefully. I realized that I was still dreaming.

My struggle of opening eyes angled to the door continued. I could see the arm of my soul reaching for it, like it wants to open the door, but it was just my powerless soul. Then my eyes completely opened, like those were the only part of my body that had life. I slowly made little movements until I felt the smooth warmth of my leg skin. And then finally, I could say that I had awaken to reality.

I checked the time on my phone and it was 9:32 PM. Here I go again. A nightmare happens when I sleep far earlier than the usual. I could still feel the bolus of acid slowly gushing down from my chest. I felt truly scared, and needed comfort, like from anybody. I just felt I needed it. I said to myself that I fought so hard to come back, but everyone's asleep and I could not share my glory. I got up, yet still groggy. My body knew how to move by itself, like it had mastered the pattern of the house. But my mind still shook, and the things I wanted to do cluttered unconsciously. I boiled enough water to make some milk. I grabbed some peanuts to munch, hoping it could revive then my brain cells in trauma. As I was taking my "not-so midnight snack," I contemplated on my fear. It was a one bunch of legit fear. I could feel my reflex dissolving it, and turns into warmth that hugs my skin. I just finished everything, and then I went back to bed to watch a movie on my laptop. I just finished it too, just right on midnight. Though a little scared to go back to sleep, I gave up and fell into it.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to the club. I've been experiencing this for a long time now. It felt so real. I think science has a term for this. Just can't remember.